I hope that you all had a most wonderful holiday season, whatever it is that you celebrate! Mine was equal parts wonderful, stressful, and busy! While I enjoyed my holidays, a small part of me is glad to be back at work today and some semblance of normalcy (even if I do need to start packing up my life to move at the end of the month). I ate and drank far too much (but who doesn't this time of year), laughed so hard I cried, and cried so hard it made me laugh. This holiday has been a roller coaster of emotions, both good and bad, and I honestly have not stopped since sometime in the week before Christmas. Tonight, I think that I am just going to go home, flop onto my bed, watch Netflix and maybe so some reading. I need to unwind.
All of that being said, I suppose it's blogger etiquette to do the year in review and resolution post. 2013, as I previously mentioned, was a really big year for me, and it was probably one of the best of my life. I did a lot of things that scared me, things to challenge myself, things that I didn't think that I was capable of doing. I took steps toward becoming the person who I ultimately want to be. I did big things and little things to make me feel good, to make me feel happy, to make me feel accomplished. I finally got to hug one of my best friends after over a year of knowing each other. I fell in love.
A good friend of mine said to me in the wee hours of the morning on January 1st as we drove home, "I'll bet you didn't expect 2013 to be the way that it was." And he's absolutely right - I didn't! Never in my wildest dreams could I have fathomed a more eventful year. That's not to say that it didn't have it's downs to go along with its ups, because there were some pretty dark days in there as well, but I try not to dwell on those. I just don't want you to think that my year was perfect, because it wasn't.
But with 2013 in the past, I now want to shift my focus to 2014. It's off to a great start, having rung it in with some of my favourite people, at one of my favourite places. And in the coming weeks, I'll be packing and purging as I prepare to make one of the biggest leaps in my life - moving across the country to start the next chapter. That began to really settle in this past week, as my boyfriend made the trek out West on New Year's Eve, and as I lay in bed last night unable to sleep because it occurred to me that in a month I will be making that same journey, and I still have so much to do to get ready, and so much that I want to do before I go.
Not that "the move" is the only thing I plan to do with my year, but because it encompasses so much I don't have a whole lot in the way of resolutions, as it were. I've never been big on resolutions, anyway. But I do like to continue doing things that make me feel good, that challenge me, and in keeping with 2013's theme, I'm going to continue to do that. I suppose that I only have one resolution for 2014.
Be less self-deprecating.
It's a defensive mechanism that I never really thought too much of, and I never realized that I did it a lot until recently. I am the first person to take a jab at myself, always jokingly. And it's not that I think so lowly of myself, but upon reflecting on it, it basically came down to the following thought process; "Well, if I make fun of myself first, this other person won't be able to, and therefore I won't feel hurt by them. Ha!" Which is weird, I know. It's something that I've done primarily in romantic relationships, usually because who ever I am seeing at the time is really a freakin' jerk and I just haven't realized it yet.
I forget the conversation that had transpired specifically, but I said something self-deprecating, and my boyfriend said to me, "You're so kind to everyone else, you should be kind to yourself too." And it's really stuck with me for the past couple of days, to the point where I've realized that this is something that I want to change, because I do like me, and I like who I am, and I don't need to diffuse situations or anything of the sort by putting myself down, even if it is jokingly. So that's something that I'm going to work on over the next twelve months.
Beyond that, I simply want to continue working toward the person that I want to be. I feel that I barely scratched the surface last year, and I want to take all that I learned and apply it to this year, and the rest of my life. 2014 is going to be an exciting year, if nothing else, but I am hoping that it will be so much more! I know that it will also be a hard year, probably one of the hardest of my life thus far. But, I see this coming year as being the one where I really and truly find pieces of myself that I didn't know that I had, the one where I make a lot of discoveries about myself. I'll be far away from all that I've known, what has been my home for twenty-eight years ... that won't come easy to me. Things that may have defined me before, I will learn maybe they never did.
Perhaps, as difficult as this year might be, it might also be the most rewarding. Let's face it, I never wanted to look back on my life and say that it was "easy."