Here's a hymn to welcome in the day,
Heralding a summer's early sway,
And all the bulbs all comin' in.
It's not everything that I wanted it to be. At least, not yet. These things take time.
The move back to the east coast went as smoothly as it could have. Although I learned a lot about myself in the week and a half that we were without the majority of our worldly possessions, and the two weeks that we were without internet.
A bed can do a lot to make your sadness go away, and an internet connection can help restore your sanity.
I'm not one of those people who freaks out about not having internet, but I couldn't stay connected, I couldn't apply for jobs. You don't realize how necessary it is until you don't have it. Being without it for a few weeks probably wouldn't have bothered me so much if we'd had our stuff. I could've begun setting up our home, I could've watched movies. Instead there wasn't a whole lot to do.
It left me feeling a little unhinged. I feel like I'm still recovering.
I'm so happy to be back in Halifax (Dartmouth, actually - but let's not get too technical). I've missed this little city of mine. Its friendly people, its sea salt air, its bright green trees. But it is strange to be back. I feel like Vancouver really did a number on me. The fact that my street is mainly quiet, that places I go aren't filled to the brim with people is taking some getting used to. Halifax feels deserted in comparison. I prefer it, I feel like I can breathe, but there's almost so much air that it seems like I'm choking on it.
My anxiety is through the roof. The last time that I was this anxious it was because I knew something bad was about to happen. This time it's just the waiting. Waiting for a job offer, waiting for things to settle down, waiting to feel like I'm home instead of simply visiting. The mornings are hard - I wake up with my heart trying to beat out of my chest. I get better as the day goes on. It's fine, I'm managing it.
But things are hard.
It's to be expected.
Change - even change that will in the end be good - can still be hard, can still be trying.
And that's okay. We'll get there.
You were waking,
Day was breaking.
A panoply of song,
And summer …
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